I am a hockey fan. As I write this I am watching game 7 of the Stanley Cup Finals. According to the TV ratings, I am just about the only one watching this game. What I want to know is why? Why are ratings so low for hockey in the U.S.? It Can't be because it is a boring sport. The action is non-stop. Football, which is the big ratings winner in this country, runs a 5 to 10 second play then has 40 seconds of standing around in between. Yes, when the plays are actually happening, it is a very exciting game. But it is not non-stop action. Basketball, a game where if you touch another player, no matter how lightly, you are called for a foul. Where's the action? And by the way, what's with all the slam dunks? A lay-up is worth as many points. Its just showing off, nothing more. A single at bat in a baseball game can last up to five minutes. Yawn.

Some people say they don't watch hockey because its too hard to follow the puck. That is a lame excuse. "It's too hard to pronounce all those foriegn names". Give me a break.

This blog should be posted before or during the first period of the game. I deplore you, watch this game. Game seven of the Cup finals is the ultimate in sports excitement. I'm going to the big screen now.

Thank you for your time.

In a previous blog I mentioned a fat lady in stretch pants. The lady in question does not actually exist. She is a compilation of (way too) many people I have come across in my relatively short life. Just about every day, no matter where I go or when I go there, I come across people who apparently have no mirrors in there homes. Overweight people wearing clothing that is clearly not designed for their frame. Does that fat chick in the halter top and stretch(-ed beyond their limit) pants really think she looks good? What about the fat guy with his shirt unbuttoned to his navel? Does anyone actually find this attractive? And, by the way, if you are not good looking, NO amount of make-up will make you pretty. So stop caking it on with a putty knife.

By the way - I am not exactly a greek god myself. I have a big head with a nose and chin to match. I am at least 15 pounds overweight. (Though I am proud to say that I've lost over forty pounds, so I'm working on it.) Anyone with AOL can look at my pics on my profile (oneb4909). I have nothing to hide. But I wear clothes that fit me. I'm not using talculm powder to squeeze into my pants every morning. I'm almost 42 and I'm not trying to fool the world (or myself) into thinking any different. By the way - don't get me started on middle aged guys with pony tails. Sad...just sad.

Thank you for your time.

Is there some sort of unwritten rule that says if your going to be in close quarters with a bunch of strangers make sure you smell as bad as possible. I understand that waiting rooms are not the most pleasant places to be, no matter who you are or why you're there. But c'mon, fat lady in the purple stretch pants, you got that big giant bag full of Slim Jims and Faygo - couldn't you find a little room for a stick of Secret or Right Guard or one of the little cardboard trees that smell like pine? And when you get up to get a magazine from the rack would it be too much to ask you to put the one you just finished back? And when the nurse or mechanic or whoever calls out the next name - LISTEN! Don't continue talking or chewing or making that weird noise with your nose. We're all crammed into a 12 x 12 room yet we're struggling to hear a person 10 feet away because of your ignorance. Yes, you are large enough to have your own gravitational field, but the world does *not* revolve around you.

Thank you for your time.

I just love...

People who wait til the light turns green before putting on their left turn signal.

People who are too lazy to walk their shopping carts to the little return area, leaving them between cars instead.

People who decide that the best place to catch up with an old friend is in the doorway of a very busy public place.

People who do a years worth of banking at an ATM on a Friday evening.

People who cry about how broke they are while sitting at a bar drinking 4 dollar beers and smoking 5 buck a pack cigarettes.

People who seem to lose their ability to count just when they arrive at the express lane.

People who think leash laws and scoop laws don't apply to them or their "good doggies".

People who think paying for a meal gives them a right to be rude to waiters.

People who let their toddlers push the shopping cart.

And many more to come, I'm sure.

Thank you for your time.

There must be an audience for shows like "Entertainment Tonight". I mean, it's been on the air for as long as I can remember. But who in God's name is watching this crap? Are there really that many sad, lonely and desperate people out there? If you life is so pathetic that you tune in to see what Tom Cruise named "his" baby, then I truly feel sorry for you. I, for one, have barely enough time to keep track of what's going on in my own life. Let alone Brad Pitt. Nothing that goes on in the ultra-pampered lives of these celebrities has any bearing on my life what-so-ever. So why should I give a flying hoot about what they are up to today?

I have favorite actors, singers, writers and what not. But beyond what they offer up as entertainment, I just don't care. So the next time you get excited about whoosit marrying whoever, please, rethink your life. Or at least get a life to rethink.

Of course, I had the time to waste while writing this. So maybe I have some thinking to do.

Thank you for your time.