Recently, an elderly woman drove her car through the front of a business. It's not the first time this has happened, it won't be the last. Of course, this errant driver used the same excuse as every other old fart who ever had a similar accident. The gas pedal stuck. I have never in my life heard anyone under the age of 70 use this excuse. Ever. It's absolutely amazing how the gas pedals of these cars know the age of the driver. Must have something to do with the types of cars the drive. As people get older and start shrinking and losing control of their own bodily functions, they decide it's the best time to buy the biggest piece of machinery the can get their shaking, wrinkled little hands on. I guess they figure if they are leaving this world soon, they're taking as many people as they can with them. "If I'm gonna be plowing through a crowded market, I ain't doin' it in no compact." I don't mean to be making light of this issue. I apologize to anybody who has been a victim of such an accident. I just felt the need to say something, and, as anyone who reads my blogs knows, I always try to include a bit of humor. The key word there is "try".

Oops! Sorry!...
My "enter" key stuck.

Thank you for your time.

There is a serious drug problem in this country. That's what "they" keep telling us. Apparently, a person can go to just about any street corner in any city, hand money to a complete stranger and get drugs in return. All without so much as a "hello", "goodbye" or "thanks".
I know this is true because I've seen it happen on many, many television shows. Mind you, I've never actually seen it happen in real life. But it must happen all the time. Don Johnson alone must have gone under cover and done it dozens of times. I have bought some pretty hard core drugs though. Just this morning I took part in a major deal. I know it was a major deal because I had to show I.D. and sign a waiver. To buy Sudafed. You know, the little red nasal decongestant. Sudafed. I had to sign a waiver to buy over the counter snot pills. It was actually kind of intimidating. Sort of like the first time I bought condoms. Now, I've heard the reason for this Sudafed buying procedure. It seems some clever scumbags have figured out a way to use Sudafed to make crystal meth. Well, now that they have to show I.D. and sign a waiver, I'm sure they will give up and get a legitimate job. Yep. That's what's going to happen. There will be no more meth on the streets now that we have to sign for our snot medication. Damn, it makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside knowing that our mighty government is kicking ass in the war on drugs. I guess I better go out and stock up on Flintstones vitamins before the big crack down on those. I gotta go now... my nose is starting to run.

Thank you for your time.

I've mentioned before that I am a Catholic. I've also mentioned that I am not a good Catholic. I haven't been to confession in about 30 years. I haven't been to a regular Sunday mass in about 25 years. But every year, between "Girls Gone Wild:Mardi Gras" and "Girls Gone Wild: Spring Break", I make a small sacrifice for 40 days. This year I decided to give up hard liquor. Nothing over 50 proof. Since I'm not a beer drinker that means lots of wine and girlie drinks made with schnapps and little umbrellas. I have a small problem though...St. Patrick's Day comes right in the middle of my sacrificial period. I always have a taste of whiskey on that day. Since I don't want to sin I'm trying to find a loophole. My ex-wife lives next door to a retired bishop. Maybe I'll pop over there and ask His Grace for some kind of special dispensation so I can have a wee nip in honor of a saint.

I also practice the "no meat" Friday thing during Lent. Now, I love seafood. I could eat it every day. But when I force myself to go meatless on Fridays I get an urging for prime rib. It's weird because I know that when Lent is over I'll probably eat fish every friday. Like I said, I love seafood. Being forced to eat it, even though I'm the one who is doing the forcing, somehow makes it less attractive to me. The human mind is a strange, strange thing.

Thank you for your time.

Seeing that Valentine's Day is coming up, I thought I'd post a little something about love. L-O-V-E. It makes the world go round. It's all you need. It's what the world needs now. It's a many splendored thing. It's a bitch. It hurts. It's a beautiful thing. Love is the answer.

Some of those songs speak the truth. Some of them are blatant lies. It depends on who you are and what your outlook on life is. I believe in love. I'm in love right now. Each time you fall in love it feels different than the time before. You swear that this time it's for real. I'm pretty sure I'm never gonna fall in love again (oops, another song reference). I'm not saying that I'm going to be in love with my wife forever. I certainly hope I will. That is my intention. But love, like life, has a way of dropping a 16 ton weight on your head just when you least expect it. Hopefully, I won't be crushed this time. We're coming up on our twelfth year as a couple, and as far as I'm concerned we're as happy as ever. I can't speak for her, of course. We have our fights and disagreements. Everybody does. At least, everybody should. A relationship needs some adversity to balance out all the ooey-gooey luv ya crap. You need some downs with your ups. A roller coaster without hills is just a train. Trians are nice to ride on, but not exactly thrilling. You just have to learn how to balance things out. Keep the hills fairly low to the ground. Remember, taking a long ride up to the top of a high hill might get your heart pounding, but you have to come down some time. And the further you go down, the longer the hill you have to climb back up. At some point you'll get tired of trying to get back to the top and just stop working on it. Eventually you'll just give up and slide back down the hill.

OK...my blogs are usually not this serious. It was not my intention to ramble on the way I did. But I meant everything I wrote. For once.
I actually have one more serious matter to discuss in another blog. But I'll try to think about something amusing to write in the meantime. Guess I better break out the booze.

Thank you for your time.

I try to be a good person. I say please and thank you, I don't litter, I obey the rules of the road, I don't fart in public...all the things the nuns beat into me when i was a kid.And yet, because I don't go to church or give to charity or think that Julia Roberts can act, some people think that I'm an evil person. Something extraordinary once happened to me and everyone who was asked said "it couldn't have happened to a nicer guy." Since then, I have to admit, I have strayed a bit from being a saint. But i still consider myself a nice person. Most times, when it seems i'm being mean, I'm really trying to be funny. In fact, in my entire adult life, there is only one person that I said I hate and meant it. She knew it, too. Never once looked me in the eye.

Getting back to the subject at hand...what is good? can you be an alcholic or a drug user or a used car salesman and still be good/ In my opinion, yes. Can you be a murderer or a rapist or a lobbyist and still be good? No, no, a thousand times no. It's just a matter of perspective. Just because I consider myself to be a good person doesn't mean that I am. In reality, I'm probably a bit of a prick. In fact, I have described myself as such on several occasions. And have been described by others as such on many, many more occasions.

So, what is the point of this blog? I guess the golden rule could apply. Or just "be good to yourself", because in the end that's all that will matter.

Thank you for your time.